Ask Olga! Uncategorized

Olga Gives Honest, Truthful Advice on Real Issues

Olga Gives Advice | Scamper

DEAR OLGA

Without trying to be prideful, I was gifted with a high IQ and was in a gifted learning program in early grade school until high school. We decided to have our son tested for the program and today we found out he tested with an average IQ of 104 and obviously does not qualify for the gifted program. He is a really good boy and he has an exceptional fine arts talent. Of course he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it is just that my pride is kind of hurt and even more so I am now worried about how well he is going to do in life in terms of career; I read that the average IQ for an associate’s degree is actually 104 and I was hoping he would attain a Master’s Degree level of education. Fred

Dear Fred

You’re in luck. In 2016 I would have called you on that,’ not trying to be prideful’  bs. I probably would have told you that someone puffed you up with so much helium that I could pop you like a balloon.

I made a New Year’s resolution to be more diplomatic though.

The fact that you were so acutely aware of the fact that you were in a gifted program in grade school is a shame. Someone did you a real disservice. I notice that you didn’t mention that you were in an accelerated program in high school. Nor did you name drop some Ivy League college degree, so I’m left to conclude that you may feel that you didn’t meet your expectations.

Your son isn’t your make up test. The fact that you had him IQ tested says more about you than him. Kids these days are under enough pressure. This arbitrary number that has been assigned to him is utterly meaningless.

Is he happy?  Is he well balanced? You’ve said that he’s a really good boy with exceptional talents. I’m not sure why you needed to specify them as fine arts skills. Maybe you specialized in engineering.

If your son is, as you say, ” the greatest thing that has ever happened to you” get your act together. Being a parent is about loving your child unconditionally. You tested him for you. You wanted to prove something to yourself. That was a lousy thing to do. It’s ok though. Every parent screws up.

The question is, how will you move forward? Will you look at him as a disappointment or will you nurture his strengths? They may be different than your own but that doesn’t make them less valuable. IQ is only one in a myriad of ways to measure one’s worth.

My guess is that you were hoping that your son would be successful. Success isn’t measured by attaining a certain level of degree. That’s something that your parents burdened you with. Success is about doing what you love and being able to earn a living doing it.

There is nothing wrong with your son. Those tests are subject to any number of variables. Let go of the number and cherish your son. Ultimately, most degrees hang on the wall, never to be spoken of again.  I’ll tell you what. You work on that and I’ll work on my New Year’s resolution. It seems like my diplomacy could use some fine tuning.

Sincerely,

DEAR OLGA

I'm having a problem with my husband. He's a great guy but he has a really annoying trait. He likes to do impersonations and they are never good. He owns his own company and since I've banned his performances in the house, he's been doing them at work. His employees keep telling him that he's a hoot. He's become so convinced that his impressions are awe inspiring that he does them in the bedroom. I find it so unattractive that it makes my skin crawl. What can I do? Emma

Dear Emma

Outsource it. Send him to an improve class. If other people appreciate his impressions, so much the better. If not, let him work it out there. Why tear him down at home? Neither one of you wins.

As for the impersonations in the bedroom, that’s a hard no. Let him know that he’s the only one that you want. Try to be gentle. If you break his spirit, the loving time is over.

If that doesn’t do the trick, you’ll need to have a chat. Sit him down in someplace other than the bedroom and just tell him that the Jim Carey routine doesn’t work for you. If you want to drive the message home, have him wait there while you slip into an alluring ensemble, then invite him to join you in the bedroom. In your sultry voice tell him that the other guys aren’t invited. He’ll get the point.

Sincerely,

DEAR OLGA

My daughter is in kindergarten and there's a biter in her class. He hasn't bitten her yet but he did bite my friend's child and that poor thing has a hole in her shoulder. My daughter is afraid of him now. When I pick her up, she's cowering in a corner. I'm so upset. What would you do? Lilly

Dear Lilly

You asked what I would do, so I’ll tell you. Dr. Phil probably wouldn’t approve though. You know the Maurice Sendak book, Where The Wild Things Are, don’t you?  As a last resort, assuming that you’ve spoken with the mother and the teacher to no avail, give in to your maternal instincts. Stand in between your baby and the biter. Roar your terrible roar and gnash your terrible teeth. You might even mutter something like, No Biting!

Just don’t let anyone see you. Some people tend to frown upon that sort of thing. But you know what? Mr. Munchy will think twice before biting your daughter. Plus, she’s too young to be embarrassed. She’ll think you’re the coolest thing on earth.

Sincerely,

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