Ask Olga! Uncategorized

Olga Gives Advice for Difficult Situations

DEAR OLGA

I'm very confused about my relationship with a friend. We've known each other for 5 or 6 years and if there's a real crisis you can always count on her. We don't hang out a lot but she's a good friend. Recently, she met a guy and I think she really loves him. I'm happy for her but her behavior stinks lately. I can put up with a lot of things but she has started lying when she wants to get out of plans that we've made,in order to hang out with him. I'm afraid to call her out on it because she has a hot temper. Plus she'll deny it. I don't mind if she wants to change the plans but the lying really bothers me. Obviously, I know when she's making up a story. How can I talk to her without destroying the friendship? Katrina

Dear Katrina

It sounds like you are afraid of your friend. She is lying to you and she’s not even putting in a convincing effort. What you’ve described is not a relationship with a good friend, but a relationship with a protector to whom you are submissive. My guess is that some relationship of yours turned sour and she helped you pick up the pieces.  That is not a dig. That is an acknowledgment of you and your choice of companions.
When you share a bond with someone, you can engage infrequently but when those rare occasions occur in which you need help, they show up.
That kind of relationship is perfectly valid. It’s just not a friendship, exactly. It’s actually more special in some ways. If you have someone that you can truly count on in a crisis, you are a lucky one. Take a different approach towards planning activities with her. Don’t make her the anchor of your evening. If she shows up, great. If she doesn’t, no loss. In the end what matters is that you can count on her when you need her. As long as you can do the same for her, the relationship is solid.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

My cousin has a great boyfriend. She keeps saying she is going to leave him but then keeps putting it off. At present, she says she will leave him this summer when their apt lease is up. Meanwhile she brings him to family events and posts of Facebook her love for him. I feel bad for him and do not understand my cousin’s motivations. Rafael

Dear Rafael

Why is this any of your business? Your stilted language combined with your attempt to hide your obvious hostility suggest that you might prefer that he were with you.
” At present, she says she will leave him this summer”? That’s an unnatural way of phrasing things. You should know better than to try to fool Olga.
‘Meanwhile, she professes her love for him on Facebook’  I took the liberty of cleaning that one up for you.
When you read your own words, you can see how they sound right?
If you don’t understand your cousin’s motivations, you can ask her to explain. Tread lightly though and be aware of your own motivations. You are inserting yourself into a relationship between two people that has nothing to do with you. You are also siding against your own family member.
Instead of wasting your efforts on pitying your cousin’s beaux, how about spending some time focusing on your own needs? Just remember the golden rule. Blood is thicker than water.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

My coworker ordered 3 huge boxes of designer wine and had it shipped to our place of business after she went on a work trip abroad. When it arrived, she demanded that we keep it over the weekend in a cool dry place and that staff wouldn't steal it from her. After the weekend, she couldn't understand why no one would take it to her car for her. She used a company cart then left it downstairs because putting it back where she found it was "not her problem" She's a good person deep down but she's making everyone hate her. I like her and don't want to see her suffer for one lapse in judgement. What should I do? Mercedes

Oh Mercedes

You precious little thing.
Welcome to the theme of the day. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!
You cannot defend the horrific behavior of another.
This woman had the good fortune to venture abroad. She then made an ostentatious display of her extravagant expenditures by having them delivered to your place of business, rather than her own home.
Obnoxious
On top of that, she had the audacity to mandate specific orders as to the appropriate maintenance of her expenditure while she did God knows what over the weekend. Then she accused her coworkers of a propensity for theft.
Maybe best of all, your little charmer was confused as to why no one wanted to lend her a hand when it came time to bring her libations to the car.
Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes …what you should do is stop living vicariously through this classless boar.
She may indeed be a lovely person, deep down, but unless you earn your living as a member of the clergy, saving souls isn’t your job.
Work hard and do your best. Soon enough, you will be the one taking those trips abroad.
And you know what the best part is? Unlike your coworker, you will have the wisdom to allow you to enjoy your time away and then come home to share the experience with friends and coworkers in a way that makes everyone feel closer to you and each other.
Be grateful, your coworker taught you an invaluable lesson.

Sincerely,

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