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Olga Gives Helpful Advice for Valentines Day Problems

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DEAR OLGA

My boyfriend and I officially broke up last month. Since then we have been seeing each other regularly. He sleeps over about 5 nights per week. We go out to dinner and hang out all the time. I kind of thought we were basically back together but when I suggested doing something on Valentine's Day, he freaked out at me. He said, absolutely not! I broke up with you. I'm not your boyfriend. I feel so hurt and confused. Did I do something wrong? Samantha

Dear Samantha

The only thing that you did wrong was continuing to spend time with a jerk. A guy who feels the need to tell you that he broke up with you, is an ass. A guy who says that while continuing to dine with you and sleepover 5 nights a week, is an ass with a hole.  If a friend told you the same story, what would you say? I suspect you’d tell her to block his number. By emphasizing that he was the one who ended the relationship, he’s trying to exert power over you. He’s trying to convince either you or himself that he controls the relationship. If he was so adamant about breaking up with you, why does he continue to spend so much time with you?

This clown is playing games with you and the best thing you can do is, cut him loose. A man who doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t deserve you.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

My husband and I have been married for a year. This is our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. I've been really excited about planning a special evening. Now he wants us to take his mother out to dinner because she's alone. I'm not on board with that plan at all. I'm so offended. What should I do? Dana

Dear Dana

You’ve got a real conundrum. You can think of this situation in one of two ways. Either how it affects you individually or how you and your husband resolve issues as a couple. If you choose to look at it from the perspective of the wife who didn’t get her way, you can stomp around and throw a fit. You may end up having your Valentine’s dinner a deux but it won’t be the one you hoped for.  You could alternatively, use your wifely wiles to get your way but in the long run, that is a seriously flawed strategy.

Your husband doesn’t want his mother to be sad on Valentine’s Day. A man who treats his mother well, usually treats his wife well too. You’ve only been married for a year. By establishing a team approach to conflict resolution early on, you will strengthen your relationship and develop a solid foundation for the future.

In the grand scheme of things, one Valentine’s Day dinner is no big deal.

Why not strike a bargain? On Valentine’s Day you can take his mother out to dinner. Then the two of you can celebrate the occasion on a night later in the week. Frankly, Tuesday isn’t an ideal date night for most couples anyway. Marriage is a partnership that requires compromise and communication. If you give in on the Tuesday night dinner, I’ll bet that he more than makes up for it on your special date night.

All that having been said, I’m going with the assumption that you don’t have a Norman Bates situation going on with your hubby. If he routinely puts his mother first, it’s a completely different story.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

My girlfriend is putting serious pressure on me to do something special for Valentine's Day. I'm thinking that the something special I should do is breakup with her. Why should I have to give in to a demand based on an expectation driven by hallmark? Btw, I'll bet many other men will agree with me. Mark

Dear Mark

If that’s your attitude, you are quite right. Breaking up with her would indeed be a special thing to do for her. If you had the capacity to care for her, you would be excited about the idea of doing something that would make her happy. Clearly, you resent the concept. What’s worse is that you think that your selfishness can be validated other Neanderthals who are incapable of maintaining a relationship. Valentine’s Day may well be a Hallmark holiday, but it’s a day that women tend to value. They trade stories about what they did to celebrate and they show each other the gifts that they’ve received. For goodness sake, Mark, do you live under a stone?  The entertainment industry makes a killing off of broken hearted women, alone on Valentine’s Day. Why don’t you do something special for all women this Valentine’s Day? Take your lousy attitude to your man cave, think about why any woman would want to be your partner and don’t emerge until you have something to offer.

Sincerely,

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