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Olga Gives Honest Relationship Advice

relationship advice

DEAR OLGA

I recently met this cool guy. I met him while out with friends at a bar. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting. He was smart and funny! We went out on a date and had a great night, he leaned in held my head and kissed me goodnight. The following Monday he texted me a link to an eBay page. While kissing me goodnight he took my hair clip and now had it posted for auction on eBay! He told me to bid on it! I was so freaked out! He has asked me out for a second date but I'm Not sure if I should? Also the hair clip sold for $1.60 on the eBay auction! Rena

Oh Rena,

Where do I begin? You met the barrette bandit in a bar.

Lovely

You texted and found that he was smart and funny.

I see

One date and it was a great evening.

There’s the good news.

He held your head as he kissed you goodnight, which frankly sounds a little bit aggressive for a first date but I get it. You probably thought that it was sexy. Ok, that’s perfectly reasonable… when it’s someone you know.

The fact that you made a note of it says that you realize that it was odd. Most first dates that conclude with a kiss don’t involve head holding that’s so intense that you don’t notice that someone is absconding with your hair ornaments.

Let me just go over the facts, if I may. Senior Sticky Fingers stole your barrette, put it up for auction on a web site, told YOU to bid on it and then sold it to someone else for $1.60.

No! You should not go on a second date with him. Who behaves that way? That is not cute. It’s criminal and worse yet, it’s a big fat neon sign that reads, Trouble Ahead. It’s also insulting. $1.60?!? And he kept the money?

You said that it freaked you out. That is an appropriate reaction. Don’t doubt your gut feeling. Maybe this guy thinks that he pulled some cool, lady catcher move. Maybe he’s just peculiar. This isn’t someone you know. This is a person that you met in a bar and managed to woo you one night. When someone shows you disturbing behavior early on in a relationship, accept the gift they’ve given you and move on.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

I've been dating a man for a month. I'm not sure what to make of the situation. He's attentive and bright but he's also very demanding. He says that he needs to be nurtured. He wants me to feed him as an expression of affection. The first time he said it I thought it was sweet. I also thought he was kidding around. Now it's becoming a routine request. We went out to lunch with his dad the other day and he made a big deal out of me feeding him in front of his father. As it happened, a couple of friends of mine were eating in the same restaurant. I was mortified. Am I being overly critical or is this weird behavior? Inez

Dear Inez,

Is it weird behavior? Not exactly. Unfortunately, plenty of boys want to be Peter Pan but not too many women want to be Wendy. You’ve answered your own question. You felt mortified that a grown man enjoys having you infantilize him in public. Nurture me. Feed me. Next up… diaper me.

Sorry sweetie, that’s going no place fun. Clearly it’s already getting on your nerves. Worse than that, you are wondering if you are being overly critical and doubting yourself. If you care about this guy, talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If he can have a rational conversation about the subject and acknowledge your feelings, you probably have the makings of a pretty good relationship. If he throws a temper tantrum about his needs, toss him a pacifier and hit the road.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

My boyfriend and I have a real problem. He's really, really hairy and I find it very unattractive. When we first started dating he went for regular waxing. I didn't even know that there was an issue. Now that we've been together for a few months he doesn't bother to wax anymore. I asked him to go back to the salon and he refused. He says," I'm a hair bear" and that I need to accept him as he is. He acts like I'm being shallow and I can't tell if he's right or if I'm making a reasonable request. The hairiness grosses me out but when he calls himself a hair bear, I want to throw up. What do you suggest? Sydney

Dear Sydney,

I suggest you go on a major binge of all the fried and sugary treats you can find, gain 20 lbs and stop showering. When he complains, tell him, “I’m a fat cat, love me as I am”

Ok, that’s probably a bit extreme but you get the point.

You two have been together for a few months, not a few years. He didn’t age, he got complacent. You aren’t being shallow; he is being lazy.  He set about a mission of false advertising. He courted you disguised as a manscaper. Now he wants to be a yeti because he doesn’t feel the need to bother with his appearance anymore.

Relationships require effort. The little things that you do to make yourself more attractive to your partner matter. It may sound superficial but it’s actually important for both of you.

You are telling your partner that you appreciate and value them, while reaffirming that you value yourself.

You need to have a quality foundation before you can build a home. The small investments that you make in your relationship form the solid bond that will help you weather future storms, as a couple.

Try to talk to him. Let him know how irresistible you find him when you can see and feel his skin. If he heads back to the salon, you’re in business. If he refuses, you’ve got a power struggle on your hands. If that’s the case, you’ve got some thinking to do. A man who’s willing to engage in a power struggle over sex, a few months into a relationship, doesn’t sound like a keeper.

Sincerely,

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