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Olga Gives Relationship Advice for 3 Separate Issues

Just Ask Olga for Relationship advice

DEAR OLGA

I just moved in with my boyfriend three months ago. A few weeks ago he went to a business conference in New Orleans. Two days later, he was called into the corporate headquarters in the middle of the country. I assumed he was being promoted. Instead, he was fired. Two women filed complaints saying that he had been sexually aggressive. At first he vaguely remembered groping one woman's thigh. He was upset and embarrassed. He said that he had too much to drink. He hated himself and I comforted him. Then he became angry and said that he must have been ruffied. I wasn't entirely comfortable with his explanation but we love each other and I agreed to support him. Now he's angry all the time and refuses to look for work. I pay the bills, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping and not only doesn't he help, he screams at me if the kitchen isn't clean enough for him at the end of the night. He's become really mean and I feel like such a looser. Now it's October and the holidays are coming up. My family is expecting to meet him. What do I do? Jenny

Dear Jenny

Be your own Santa. Give yourself an early Christmas present.

A big fat suitcase.

Pack your sh*t and get the hell out.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be so colorful but you’ve rattled my cage.

Are you under the impression that your family would be pleased to see this sack of garbage taking advantage of you?

I doubt it.

You may feel like a looser now but why don’t you take a moment to think about how humiliated you’ll feel when your family sees that you’ve become a human doormat. Better yet, think about explaining to them how it is that you deserve their respect when you have none for yourself.

Respect is a tricky wicket Jenny. Once you lose it, it can be really hard to find.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

One of my closest friends has a terrible weakness. I like to call her the tuna poisoner. She's a beast. She comes to town for days on end. She lops around his apartment as if it were her private sleeping area and by that, I mean that she feels no compulsion to wear any sort of modest attire. Not only has she visually traumatized me but when I arrived for our standard Monday evening game night, that harpy offered up some three-day-old, unrefrigerated tuna fish salad like it was the king's delight. 45 minutes after I indulged in her toxic tuna, I found myself confined to an embarrassingly loud and lengthy stay in the bathroom adjoining the gaming area. The beast must go. What should I do? PS. He's gay so she's not a love interest. Cordelia

Dear Cordelia

Maybe it’s all that jelly in your belly that’s upsetting your stomach. And by that I mean shape up honey. Jealousy is an unattractive trait.

You need to figure out what actually bothered you. Did she really offer you three-day-old unrefrigerated tuna?

More likely, you had trouble dealing with your feelings. You can still be jealous when your friend is gay and not a love interest. It’s ok. You were probably feeling territorial.

You have two choices. You can decide to befriend the beast or you can clear out when she’s in town.

That’s what you get to control. What you can’t control is who your friends choose to befriend.

Sorry sweetie, that’s the big girl world.

Sincerely,

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DEAR OLGA

Some jack ass at my husband's job just taught him a nifty little trick. It's called a Dutch oven. He gets into our bed, arranges the covers tightly around himself as if he's freezing, then he passes gas. He thinks it's hilarious. I think the two of them should save that stuff for boys camping trips. It's become a power play. He says that he is entitled to expel gas that would otherwise cause him pain and I call him a gaseous A- hole. It's ruining our sex life and our relationship. How can I stop this stinky cycle? Tara

Dear Tara

This is honestly one of the most idiotic problems I’ve ever heard. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most common. Men behave like children way too often. When they hang out with each other in those man caves that they think are so special, they get even worse.

Here’s the good news. You’ve got the ace in the hole, so to speak. Pardon the crude reference. Let’s be honest though, woman to woman, do you think your husband would rather fart or have sex with you?

You can regain control of this situation in no time. You just need to make it clear that he can choose one or the other. He can’t have both.

You may want to stack the odds in your favor for the first few nights by wearing something fetching.

Good luck to you my dear. As they say, this too shall pass.

Sincerely,

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